Sun. Mar 3rd, 2024

 

What does parenting mean?

We can answer the question,” Can we outsource parenting?” only when we understand parenting and its greater goals to the bone.

Parenting means, training parents for good or best parenting. Its objective is to teach them the skills to grow their children in the best possible manner. The people in my age bracket think that parenting happens automatically. Yes, it is true, but only in huge families with positive and interactive roles of family members. They were real nation builders…grand-parents!  The joint family system was a blessing then.

Accidentally, for the last half-century, the whole world has observed an unprecedented change in this respect. Our value system has transformed into chaos. Actually, there is no sound value system but the confusion of ideas and ideals. We have become materialistic.

We outsource our domestic chores, unfortunately, we extended the same enough to outsource the sacred obligation of taking care and training our children as well. We outsource them to academies, and tutors at the stage where they need us the most.  Our company is essential for our children but we outsource them to screen. .  As a matter of fact we shouldn’t outsource the parenting.

 

We let them grow as weeds through such a disastrous process of outsourcing them. They are receiving unguarded, unfiltered, and uncensored data which is very disastrous.  As a matter of fact, we shouldn’t outsource parenting. Data providers have commercial intentions and are not ethical or moral. Resultantly, our children are facing vulnerable challenges in this transformed value system.

As a matter of fact, nurturing is very serious. But unfortunately, we have provided our generation with a confused value system. Parents should get the proper training to train their children and so save their kids from the disastrous effects of wrong parenting in this confusing world of preconceived notions. There is a dire need to break through the shackles of developed thought patterns and practices.  If modern parents do not endeavor to learn skills for potential parenting, their children would surely suffer.

 

There are certain principles that must be adopted to avoid havoc and to answer the question raised in the beginning, “Can we outsource parenting?”

When a child opens his eyes, he enters into a new world. Rather, according to research, a month before his birth, a child starts receiving impressions from his environment. He has basic neuronal connections with his environment.

A child is like a brand-new computer without any software. His software starts developing with the first cry. His patterns start developing when he sees around. He starts recording those patterns. He looks into his mother’s eyes at every happening around him and receives impressions from the motherboard. If he receives approval or a positive reaction, this becomes a pleasant experience for him. It means their mother is his reference point.

Mother is not a noun, rather, it is a verb. Mother means the act of mothering. Whosoever is doing this act of mothering irrespective of gender, maybe a caretaker or a father or a sister. The child will look into his eyes. He experiences what is going on around him. His environment is his first school.

 

If the environment is hostile, he will record it as it is. But not as negative but normal. Because he is yet far away from the discrimination of right or wrong, ethical r unethical, moral or immoral. Whatever happened around him is normal for him. And he receives all this as it is. Whatever you install in that brand new computer will operate as it is. His patterns develop like that. Parenting challenges in the modern era are greater than usual practice.

Do’s and Don’ts

Firstly, keep in view that whatever you want to make of him, create that in real contextual experience in your environment. Create civilization and refinement as a contextual experience in your home. During the first to seven years of a child’s life, advice has a very minimal role. There is no worth of ethics and morality for him. You cannot teach him morality as a yardstick or standard point. He has no ethics quotient which we elders have in contrast.

A child gives value to lovable and non-lovable. Provide him lovable environment. Create a lovable contextual experience for him.

Secondly, provide your child stress-free environment. He has no mechanism to yield pressure. So, protect him from undue pressure. Because in a stressful state, his blood remains in a fight and flight mood, consequently this mode destroys his mental growth. The brain gets stunted. A new center is formed, he is not born with it. And this new center does not match basic human instinct. If he couldn’t meet the expectations developed as a result of stress, he acquires a center of a lie.  He is heated up, he needs a center. He receives data passed through this filter of lies. His response also passes through the same filter. He is actually guided by lies. Resultantly, he develops a split personality. Many conflicts arouses. He has to face many challenges.

Thirdly, try to develop the habit of argumentation. Argue with them not dictate. Your comments should not be in the form of a sermon but rather in the form of a question. Make them habitual of argumentation how much socially viable he is.

Fourthly, 7 years child’s education relates to life skills more than academics. He needs life skills to develop. There is no replacement for the bond between mother and child. Accompany your child in physical activities. Give him social exposure as well. Involve him in experiencing new things.

Make a list of certain activities and plans for them. List of places to visit, serious and valuable topics to discuss with them in the appositive environment, of persons whom you will arrange to meet with them.

Fifthly, training of the use instruments till 7 years. This contextual experience will develop a strong bonding between you and your child.

Sixthly and most importantly, manage their screen time.  You can do this by developing a real relationship with your child. Don’t replace yourself with the screen.

In these 7 years, you have established the foundation because patterns of your child are developed. Now the stage comes from 7 to 13 years of age. This is the ripe time to teach them about the discrimination between right and wrong; morality and immorality; ethical and unethical. We have to inculcate all this into them consciously, now. While doing this, we have to apply the term Acts and Consequences and not Reward and Punishment.

Disciplined character is most important to develop. If you have disciplined yourself, you can discipline your child. Meet their demands but with careful argumentation. What, how, and why, are very important at this developmental stage.  You can meet his demands if his answers are satisfactory.  Generate why in his system by developing the habit of argumentation.

Try to satisfy his queries however worthless you find those. Don’t snub his questioning otherwise, you will obstruct his thought process. Because a child reflects when he speaks, while we are silent when we reflect. We have learned not to express ourselves. When we make him quiet, we snub him for thinking. Discipline your child through acts not by using harsh words. Train him to be independent.

Read further to master the art of parenting: https://ethicsedu.com/adopt-the-best-parenting-style/

By Saadia Raza

Saadia Raza is an accomplished educator with a passion for English literature and language. holding a masters degree in English, I have dedicated 20 years of my life to teaching at the college level. My deep understanding of the subject and effective teaching methods have earned me a reputation as a respected and influential figure in the field of education. My extensive teaching experience has not only honed my pedagogical skills but has also given me valuable insights into the evolving educational landscape.

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